Witty Quotes - Page 33

Dude, are my eyes seeing what my brain is telling my eyes that they're seeing?

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

College isn't the place to go for ideas.

I remember when I first came to Washington. For the first six months you wonder how the hell you ever got here. For the next six months you wonder how the hell the rest of them ever got here.

Criticism is prejudice made plausible.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't... Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe...same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself.

Hell is paved with good intentions, not with bad ones. All men mean well.

What is perfectly true is perfectly witty.

Histories make men wise; poets, witty; the mathematics, subtle; natural philosophy, deep; moral, grave; logic and rhetoric, able to contend.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.

This President is going to lead us out of this recovery.

My brain's not sharp enough to come up with a witty comment.

Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself.

Man can not live by bread alone ... he must have peanut butter.

Melancholy men, of all others, are the most witty.

What if the worst is true? What if there's no God, and you only go around once, and that's it? Don't you want to be a part of the experience? You know, what the hell? It's not all a drag, and I'm thinking to myself: Geez! I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get and just enjoy it while it lasts. And, you know, after-who knows? Maybe there is something, nobody really knows. I know that maybe is a very slim reed to hang your whole life on, but that's the best we have.

And my parents finally realize I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.

The philosophy behind much advertising is based on the old observation that every man is really two men - the man he is and the man he wants to be.

Courtship is to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.

I like children - fried.

MAKE STATEMENTS also applies to us women: Speak in statements instead of apologetic questions. No one wants to go to a doctor who says, “I’m going to be your surgeon? I’m here to talk to you about your procedure? I was first in my class at Johns Hopkins, so?” Make statements, with your actions and your voice.

Democracy is the only system that persists in asking the powers that be whether they are the powers that ought to be.