Authors:

A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
Z

P. J. ORourke Quotes - Page 16

All Quotes Addiction Alcohol Appearance Art Authority Boat Cancer Capitalism Caring Character Charity Children Church Coffee College Comedy Communism Cooking Country Culture Dating Death Debate Democracy Divorce Drinking Dying Earth Effort Environment Exercise Family Fashion Food Free Market Fun Funny Giving Golf Growth Health Heart Heaven History Home House Inspirational Journalism Killing Language Liberalism Liberty Life Loss Love Luck Lying Mom Money Morning Office Past Pleasure Politics Pollution Poverty Purpose Quality Reading Responsibility Running Sailing Satire School Sloth Smoking Socialism Sports Students Stupidity Style Taxes Trade Virtue Waiting War Wealth Wife Wine Worry Writing

Hunter S. Thompson and I are old friends, but what we do is so different. There are surface similarities that really have to do with us being frustrated poets.

Hunter S. Thompson and I are old friends, but what we do is so different. There are surface similarities that really have to do with us being frustrated poets.

Old Friends, Frustrated, Hunters

Source: www.avclub.com

There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.

Women, Comedy, Dies

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.95, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Germans respond well to lies. At least, they always have historically.

Funny, Lying, Humorous

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.169, Atlantic Books Ltd

A woman should dress to attract attention. To attract the most attention, a woman should be either nude, or wearing something as expensive as getting her nude is going to be.

Dresses, Attention, Should

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.251, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

I believe that Western civilization, after some disgusting glitches, has become almost civilized. I believe it is our first duty to protect that civilization. I believe it is our second duty to improve it. I believe it is our third duty to extend it if we can.

Believe, Civilization, Glitches

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer”, p.94, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

The Republican convention, an event with the intellectual content of a Guns'n'Roses lyric attended by every ofay insurance brokerin America who owns a pair of white shoes.

Party, Gun, Shoes

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.17, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

Funny, Children, Food

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.113, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Everything on a boat has a different name than it would have if it weren't on a boat. Either this is ancient seafaring tradition or it's how people who mess around with boats try to impress the rest of us who actually finished college.

College, Names, People

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Holidays in Hell: In Which Our Intrepid Reporter Travels to the World's Worst Places and Asks, "What's Funny About Thi”, p.142, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

It is a law of governance that democracies have to spend themselves dizzy. Citizens of democracies can, after all, tell their government to give them things.

Democracies Have, Government, Law

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.175, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

The wonder is that communism lasted so long. But then again, modern poetry lasted a long time, too.

Long, Wonder, Communism

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The CEO of the Sofa”, p.83, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Especially with a magazine like Lampoon, which was very dependent on newsstand sales. Our readers didn't usually occupy the same address long enough to get a subscription, because they were in college, or they were hippies. So it was very up-and-down, and we had to calculate how many to print, which was always sort of a headache from a business point of view.

Hippie, College, Views

Source: www.avclub.com

Something that comes to us, some gym shoe that comes to us as a result of child labor from a brutal dictatorship, where people do not have basic freedoms, it wouldn't bug me to tax the living Dickens out of that thing or even to forbid its importation whatsoever. But that's a moral question, not an economic question.

Children, Shoes, People

Women are successful in the business world because the business world was created by men. Men are babies. And women areGood With Kids.

Baby, Kids, Successful

Some people are worried about the difference between right and wrong. I'm worried about the difference between wrong and fun.

Life, Fun, Differences

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.106, Atlantic Books Ltd

If we do our deficit spending on weapons, at least we get weapons. Then if we need weapons, we have them. If we don't need them, no harm is done.

Needs, Done, Weapons

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.175, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

There was an austerely dignified award ceremony. By that I mean we had to buy our own drinks - in clear violation of the international journalists'code of truth, fairness and an open bar.

Funny, Mean, Awards

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.92, Atlantic Books Ltd

Bob Wallace was my editor at Rolling Stone when I first started writing there, and he's a wonderful editor. I was in the Philippines during the Marcos overthrow, and I was up on what was called Smokey Mountain. I think it's gone now, but it was a garbage dump with a bunch of people living on it. I was talking to Bob on the phone, and I told him, "I'm a humorist. I can't write about this." And Bob told me to let my style be dictated by the subject, to take what I saw and write about it in the tone that it requires.

Writing, Thinking, Phones

Source: www.avclub.com

Any person who has spent time outdoors actually doing something, such as hunting and fishing as opposed to standing there with a doobie in his mouth, knows nature is not intrinsically healthy.

Hunting, Fishing, Healthy

P. J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus: A Reader”, p.438, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

The Lampoon started in 1970, and I began writing freelance for them around the end of 1971, and then all through '72. They hired me in '73, and I left early in '81. I did everything from low puns to being editor-in-chief.

Writing, Editors, Ends

Source: www.avclub.com

The neo-hippie-dips, the sentimentality-crazed iguana anthropomorphizers, the Chicken Littles, the three-bong-hit William Blakes- thank God these people don't actually go outdoors much, or the environment would be even worse than it is already.

Hippie, Iguanas, People

There's a very good reason that governments aren't supposed to compete with private-enterprise companies. Governments have monopolies on certain things, like eminent domain and deadly force.

Government, Eminent Domain, Reason

Source: www.avclub.com

There's no such thing as a trade deficit.

Trade, Deficit

P.J. O'Rourke (2010). “DON'T VOTE - It Just Encourages the Bastards”, p.159, Atlantic Books Ltd

Off they go on this sort of camping trip to Iwo Jima, where they're taken around and shown where all the battles took place. It's very moving. Disgusting little island, though. Still an active volcano. Stinks of sulfur. There are dead Japanese everywhere under that island. It's icky. But I knew I would never have another chance to go, so I took the job.

Jobs, Moving, Taken

Source: www.avclub.com

I couldn't have gotten into Harvard with a crowbar.

Harvard

Source: www.avclub.com

The real slums are another matter. The bad parts of Tondo are as bad as any place I've seen, ancient, filthy houses swarmed with the poor and stinking of sewage and trash. But there are worse parts - squatter areas where people live under cardboard, in shipping crates, behind tacked-up newspapers. Dad would march you straight to the basement with a hairbrush in his hand if he caught you keeping your hamster cage like this.

Dad, Real, Hands

P. J. O'Rourke (2016). “Republican Party Reptile: The Confessions, Adventures, Essays and (Other) Outrages of . . .”, p.62, Pan Macmillan

You May Also Like: