Fun Quotes - Page 104

Humility is like underwear; essential, but indecent if it shows.

When you take the time to actually listen, with humility, to what people have to say, it's amazing what you can learn. Especially if the people who are doing the talking also happen to be children.

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

If investing is entertaining, if you're having fun, you're probably not making any money. Good investing is boring.

I have never been convinced there's anything inherently wrong in having fun.

If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.

If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral.

There is almost no marital problem that can't be helped enormously by taking off your clothes.

I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.

Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.

If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered.

Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.

Playing without the fundamentals is like eating without a knife and fork. You make a mess.

I add a smile to everything I wear and that has worked great for me.

I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.

Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.

Thanks to my solid academic training, today I can write hundreds of words on virtually any topic without possessing a shred of information which is how I got a good job in journalism.

Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.

You know your girlfriend is too young when she'll do everything in bed but go upside down because it's too scary.

We've got to learn hard things in our lifetime, but it's love that gives you the strength. It's being nice to people and having a lot of fun and laughing harder than anything, hopefully every single day of your life.

Age should not have its face lifted, but it should rather teach the world to admire wrinkles as the etchings of experience and the firm line of character.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

The real fact is that I could no longer stand their eternal cold mutton.

A thousand people will stop smoking today. Their funerals will be held sometime in the next three or four days.