Humor Quotes - Page 41

When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship.

The common argument that crime is caused by poverty is a kind of slander on the poor.

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

A German singer! I should as soon expect to get pleasure from the neighing of my horse.

As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years.

Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.

I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.

Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.

In horror stories or in fairy tales, the fascination with the morbid is also, at least for me, a way to prepare for the unthinkable… That’s why it’s very important for me to show the artificiality of it all, because the real horrors of the world are unmatchable, and they’re too profound. It’s much easier to absorb – to be entertained by it, but also to let it affect you psychologically – if it’s done in a fake, humorous, artificial way.

A bulldog can whip a skunk, but sometimes it's not worth it.

Honestly some folk will take offence at anything, I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop, all I asked was "How are you getting on?"

I ascribe to Mark Twain's theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.

That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men

A sense of humor is the best indicator that you will recover; it is often the best indicator that people will love you. Sustain that and you have hope.

He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

he's a genius, she's a genius, wow, you know alot of geniuses, you should meet some stupid people sometime, you might learn something

I like girls with a good sense of humor.

If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them

Information is the oxygen of the modern age. It seeps through the walls topped by barbed wire, it wafts across the electrified borders.

One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".

In my serious work I am striving for the essence of things and for goals which are possibly unobtainable. On the other hand, everything humorous has great attraction for me, and a childish streak leads me into all kinds of frivolous endeavour.

As one reads history ... one is absolutely sickened, not by the crimes that the wicked have committed, but by the punishments that the good have inflicted.

I've had a really weird day, some joker threw bamboo in the penguin enclosure. They all vaulted out. It was a nightmare, it took me all morning to get them back in.