Jeff Foxworthy Quotes - Page 11

You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!

You might be a redneck if you have every episode of Hee Haw on tape.

You might be a redneck if your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.

You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.

You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.

Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?

You might be a redneck if you have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.

Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.

You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.

I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.

All these years I've sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them.

Country music is about new love and it's about old love.

You might be a redneck if your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.

You might be a redneck if somebody hollers ho-down and your girlfriend hits the floor.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

You might be a redneck if your 'huntin dog' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got AN IDIOT!

You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.

You might be a redneck if three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.