Jeff Foxworthy Quotes - Page 9

You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

You might be a redneck if the highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.

You might be a redneck if the Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.

The biggest thing I've learned is to listen to my own gut. I have learned to trust my instincts.

You might be a redneck if you think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

You might be a redneck if the best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in Canada

You might be a redneck if your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

You might be a redneck if...you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.

You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.

You might be a redneck if you wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.

You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

Sophisticated people invest their money in stock portfolios. Rednecks invest their money in commemorative plates.

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.

If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.

Talking with Gary Busey is kinda like sex. You want to do it, you just don't want to be alone when you do it.

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.

You might be a redneck if you consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.

You might be a redneck if there is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.