Jeff Foxworthy Quotes - Page 8

You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.

You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.

You might be a redneck if every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.

You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey and the Bandit was snubbed for best picture.

You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

You might be a redneck if your primary source of income is the pawn shop.

You might be a redneck if the antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.

You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase Open up, Police!

You might be a redneck if your daughter's Barbie's Dream House has a clothesline in the front yard.

You might be a redneck if your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.

You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.

You might be a redneck if your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.

You might be a redneck if you saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.

You might be a redneck if taking a dip has nothing to do with water.

I love comedy. God has given me this platform.

You might be a redneck if you're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.

You might be a redneck if your bumper sticker says, My other car is a combine.

Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.

You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

Thank God I'm at that point in my career where I don't have to take stuff that I don't really want to do.