Jeff Foxworthy Quotes - Page 6

You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.

My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.

You might be a redneck if you can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

If you have more fish on your wall than pictures, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.

You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

We really didn't have the option of being couch potatoes when I was growing up. There were only three television channels and the only kid's programming was on Saturday morning. We always played outside until we could hear Mom calling us (not by cell phone but with her hands cupped around her mouth) that it was dinner time.

By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at by everyone in the family.

How is a redneck divorce similar to a tornado? You know that somewhere, somehow, someone is gonna lose a trailer.

If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute; tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!

You might be a redneck if you think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just misunderstood.

There's a whole segment of the population with a mentality that bases good times on where they can go and what they can buy.

You might be a redneck if you think Silence of the Lambs is what happens when Larry walks out to the barn.

[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.

You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.

You might be a redneck if someone tells you you have something in your teeth, and you take them out to see what it is.

You might be a redneck if your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.

You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.

You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

I actually had a chance to be in Delta Farce, but I couldn't do it because I read the script.

We're a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms.

You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word rug rat.