Fun Quotes - Page 39

What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish.

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

A Muslim has five duties towards another Muslim; to return a salutation, visit the sick, follow funerals, accept an invitation and say 'God have mercy on you' when one sneezes.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.

Although a skillful flatterer is a most delightful companion if you have him all to yourself, his taste becomes very doubtful when he takes to complimenting other people.

Tragedy is a close-up; comedy, a long shot.

I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me.

I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.

Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and most fools do.

It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.

Like I've always said, love wouldn't be blind if the braille weren't so damned much fun.

People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

I think it's great to be flawed. I am hugely flawed, and I like it this way. That's the fun of life. You fall, get up, make mistakes, learn from them, be human and be you.

I will never forget my humble beginnings as a Laker Girl. It was probably one of the most fun jobs I ever had.

You should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.

I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, "Don't worry, Dude. I won't say anything."