Funny Quotes - Page 36

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

You know, the funny thing about Lorne and that show is that, you can go over one million things, but in a business of bean counters, he still likes to laugh at small things and creates a show around it.

Good authors, too, who once knew better words now only use four-letter words writing prose... anything goes.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

A light heart lives long.

I hate women because they always know where things are.

It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.

Lord, protect me from my friends; I can take care of my enemies.

It's a funny thing, when you talk to God, you're religious, but when he talks to you, you're a psychopath.

Yes. I guess it's the foolish romantic in me, but you see, I don’t think that sex is my Muse.

I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh because they'll probably be funny.

God grant me the serenity to accept that people are ignorant, the courage to uphold the law when I'm hostile, & the wisdom to realize that murder is illegal.

Pro and con are opposites, that fact is clearly seen. If progress means to move forward, then what does congress mean?

Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand.

I can't tell you how much we laughed on the set to have Alec Guinness in a scene with a big, furry dog that's flying a space ship.

It is better to be looked over than overlooked.

Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable.

What are Fred and I? Next door neighbors?

If we have to have a choice between being dead and pitied, and being alive with a bad image, we'd rather be alive and have the bad image.

Everyone smiles in the same language.

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.

In Westerns you were permitted to kiss your horse but never your girl.

It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.