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George Carlin Quotes - Page 37

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If two baseball players from the same hometown, on different teams, receive the same uniform number, it is not ironic. It is a coincidence. If Barry Bonds attains lifetime statistics identical to his father's, it will

If two baseball players from the same hometown, on different teams, receive the same uniform number, it is not ironic. It is a coincidence. If Barry Bonds attains lifetime statistics identical to his father's, it will not be ironic. It will be a coincidence.

Baseball, Team, Father

George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

Life is not that complicated.

Life Is, Complicated

"George Carlin: Complaints & Grievances", www.imdb.com. 2001.

I was kind of sweet kid, according my mother, and my recollections. Thoughtful and good, but kind of alone - although I didn't interpret it that way, as such. Children never interpret these things. They think they understand logically.

Mother, Sweet, Children

Source: mavericksofthemind.com

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

Memories, Thinking, Alzheimer's

George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

I'm a believer that things happen. Fate is what happens.

Fate, Believer, Happens

Source: www.motherjones.com

I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.

Trying, Want, Might

Interview with Sam Merrill, reprints.longform.org. January 1982.

I'm offering a special prize for the first Buick on the moon.

Moon, Offering, Special

Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.

Talking, Drug, Firsts

George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.

Country, Brother, Uncles

So I want to thank the Pentagon, the Soviet Union and the military-industrial complex from the bottom of my heart. Without them, I could never have become the man I am today.

Military, Heart, Men

George Carlin (2009). “Last Words”, p.64, Simon and Schuster

And off we go, out onto the highway looking for a little fun. Perhaps a flatbed truck loaded with human cadavers will explode in front of a Star Trek reunion. One can only dream and hope.

Dream, Stars, Fun

George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.663, Hachette UK

I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.

Teaching, Mean, School

Source: reprints.longform.org

Leadership camp? Isn't that where Hitler went?

Camps

"George Carlin... It's Bad for Ya!", www.imdb.com. 2008.

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.

Funny, Humor, Groups

George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

He is dead now, but he meant well.

Wells

I became a guy who wanted to be a comedian someday, or a comic actor. The way I put it was, I'll be like Danny Kaye. He was kind of the model I had in mind.

Guy, Comedian, Mind

Source: mavericksofthemind.com

I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.

Solitude, Comedian, Hanging Out

Source: www.psychologytoday.com

If anyone e-mails you something "by George Carlin," there's a 99 percent chance I did not write it. I didn't write "Paradox Of Our Time." I didn't write "George Carlin On Aging." I didn't write a eulogy for my wife after she died. I didn't write the New Orleans thing. I didn't write "I Am A Bad American." None of them. You know what I've decided to do? I'm going to get a little cheap put-it-together-yourself website called NotMe.com.

Writing, Wife, Eulogy

Most of the note-taking happens while I'm watching television. It's a broad window on the world, and a lot of things are already established in my mind as things I say, things that I'm interested in, things that are fodder for my [stand-up] machine. And when I see something that relates to one of them, I know it instantly and if it's a further exaggeration and a further addition, or an exception - if it plays into furthering my purpose, I jot it down.

Play, Mind, Television

Source: www.psychologytoday.com

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

Healthy, Half, May

I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner.

Skills, People, Laughing

Source: reprints.longform.org

I am not a difficult man by any stretch, and I'm saying that with a full and honest inventory going on. I'm not. And I'm not angry on stage. There is a heightening. There is an intensification of the feelings on stage in order to let them carry the room. There is a theatricality about it. The whole thing is oratory, so there's persuasion involved. There's the art of rhetoric involved. And so, with hyperbole and with the desire to really punch the thing home, some of it reads a little more angry.

Art, Home, Men

When you're high, it's easy to kid yourself about how clever certain mediocre pieces of material are.

Clever, Kids, Pieces

Source: reprints.longform.org

You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.

Suicide, Interesting, Murder

I became a radio nut. I loved the afternoon serials, and I got into jazz through the radio. I had a subscription to Down Beat when I was 12. And I'd spend a lot of time in front of the minor, miming records.

Nuts, Records, Afternoon

Source: reprints.longform.org

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