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George Carlin Quotes - Page 35

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When you look at Earth from that one picture, the one from space, it's really a rather attractive thing. I have nothing against the planet per se. I root for the big comet or asteroid as a way of cleansing the planet.

When you look at Earth from that one picture, the one from space, it's really a rather attractive thing. I have nothing against the planet per se. I root for the big comet or asteroid as a way of cleansing the planet. The comet or asteroid 65 million years ago is probably what gave us our opening to replace the reptiles. The greatest entertainment I have in my life is chronicling internally, not necessarily for the public, the slow dissolution of order.

Attractive Things, Order, Years

I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word "cynic" has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. "George, you're cynical." Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know?

Thinking, Cynical, Realist

There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!

Real, Fighting, People

Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.

Funny, Running, Stupid

George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.252, Hachette UK

People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.

America, People, Choices

Source: mavericksofthemind.com

It's the American view that everything has to keep climbing: productivity, profits, even comedy.

Climbing, Views, Comedy

Source: reprints.longform.org

More people write poetry than read it.

Writing, People

Where do we get our values from?

Values

George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

I did LSD and peyote in the late Sixties, before I got into cocaine. That was concurrent with my change from a straight comic to the album and counterculture period, and those drugs served their purpose. They helped open me up.

Drug, Albums, Peyote

Source: reprints.longform.org

I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.

Long, People, Laughing

Interview with Sam Merrill, reprints.longform.org. January 1982.

I was surprised when I started getting old. I always thought it was one of those things that would happen to someone else.

Happens, Getting Old

George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but...they had a golf course.

Golf, Air, People

I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.

Funny, People, Criminals

"What Am I Doing in New Jersey?". Documentary, Comedy, 1988.

Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?

Sports, Mother, Running

George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

Like on the airlines, they say they want to 'pre-board'. Well, what the hell is 'pre board'? What does that mean? To get on before you get on?

Mean, Want, Doe

The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.

Stupid, Eye, Giving

Source: abilitymagazine.com

Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.

Country, Shopping, Addiction

I consider the coke a major cause. Of course, you could also make the argument that because cocaine speeds up the heart, it's good for you.

Heart, Coke, Causes

Source: reprints.longform.org

Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.

Humorous, Giving, Helping

George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.

Book, Writing, Departure

Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.

Cutting, Nuts, Insanity

Source: reprints.longform.org

I've just completed a five-year period that can perhaps best be called a breathing spell. A time of getting my health back and gathering my strength. That time also included incredible cocaine abuse, a heart attack and my wife's recovery from both alcoholism and cocaine abuse.

Heart, Recovery, Years

Source: reprints.longform.org

You know, if a drug has anything going for it at all, it should be self-limiting. It should tell you when you've had enough. Acid and peyote were that way for me.

Self, Drug, Going For It

Source: reprints.longform.org

I think it would be fair and right to use some of my land and wealth for a drug-rehab center or an Indian school.

School, Thinking, Land

Source: reprints.longform.org

The secretiveness. The stealth. Those were obviously the aspects of cocaine use I was addicted to.

Use, Cocaine, Stealth

Source: reprints.longform.org

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