Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about Wife - Page 2

My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer.

I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!

With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!

If every man was as true to his country as he was to his wife, we'd be in a lot of trouble.

My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.

My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.

I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.

I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.

Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.

It's tough to stay married. My wife says no because she's tired then stays up and reads her book.

Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

I got my first break and became a singing waiter at eighteen or nineteen. I couldn't make a living at it. I quit. Then I got married and sold aluminum siding. My wife had problems physically. It was not good.

My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.

My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.

Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.

I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'

I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.

My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!!

I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.