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Woody Allen Quotes - Page 11

All Quotes Age Anxiety Art Atheism Atheist Baseball Basketball Beer Boredom Character Childhood Children Choices College Comedy Concentration Cooking Country Crime Culture Cynicism Death Desire Divorce Drama Driving Dying Education Enthusiasm Failing Falling In Love Feelings Fighting Film Food Fun Funny Genius Getting Older Giving God Hate Heart Heaven Hell Hilarious Home House Human Nature Humanity Hurt Imagination Immortality Inspiration Inspirational Inspiring Kissing Laughter Liberty Life Logic Love Love And Death Love Life Luck Lying Mankind Marriage Maturity Meaning Of Life Money Morning Pain Past Philosophy Politics Quality Reading Reality Regret Reincarnation Religion Running Sarcasm School Science Sleep Smoking Stupidity Style Success Suffering Sunday Talent Time Today Tragedy Universe Waiting Wall War Water Wife Winning Writing

I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's.

I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's.

Funny, Desire, Return

"Woody Allen: 'To have been a lead character in a juicy scandal doesn't bother me'" by Oliver Burkeman, www.theguardian.com. September 13, 2012.

When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.

Funny, Sex, Humor

"Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (*But Were Afraid to Ask)", 1972.

What is it about death that bothers me? Probably the hours.

Hours, Bother

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.

Sarcastic, Sarcasm, Years

"A Look at Organized Crime" by Woody Allen in "Disquiet, Please! More Humor Writing from the New Yorker" by David Remnick, Henry Finder, (p. 364), 2008.

We knew the front door was always left open, but we broke in just to keep in practice. Doxy turned all the Washburn family photos to the wall so there wouldn't be any witnesses.

Funny, Wall, Humor

Woody Allen (2007). “Mere Anarchy”, Random House Incorporated

I usually want to crawl into the ground after I make a film, almost invariably.

Want, Film

"Woody Allen gives you two for one in Melinda and Melinda". Interview with Julian Roman, movieweb.com. March 17, 2005.

Is old age really so terrible? Not if you've brushed your teeth faithfully.

Maturity, Age, Teeth

Woody Allen (2007). “The Insanity Defense: The Complete Prose”, Random House Incorporated

I can't understand why more people aren't bisexual. It would double your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Sex, Night, People

I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening.

Guy, Annie Hall, Evening

"Fictional character: Alvy Singer". "Annie Hall", www.imdb.com. 1977.

If you meet somebody and are attracted to someone, and the exquisite neurons in your brain and her brain intermesh properly, then things can be wonderful. It's not like homework. You don't have to work at the relationship.

Brain, Neurons, Homework

Dying is like making love, except you don't get naseous afterwards.

Making Love, Dying

Do I believe in God? I did until Mother's accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen.

Mother, Believe, Meat

Woody Allen (2007). “The Insanity Defense: The Complete Prose”, Random House Incorporated

I do believe that reality is dreadful and that you are forced to choose it in the end or go crazy, but that it kills you.

Crazy, Believe, Reality

Interview with Douglas McGrath, www.interviewmagazine.com. September 1, 2008.

Marriage is the death of hope.

Funny, Death, Humor

Woody Allen (2009). “Three One-Act Plays: Riverside Drive Old Saybrook Central Park West”, p.206, Random House

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Funny, Team, Chess Game

You know what my philosophy of life is? That it’s important to have some laughs, but you got to suffer a little too, because otherwise you miss the whole point to life.

Philosophy, Laughing, Missing

Broadway Danny Rose, www.imdb.com. 1984.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

Funny, Witty, Money

New Yorker, 5 Nov. 1973

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

Food, Terrible, Portions

And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, 'til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up.

Teeth, Shapes, Prophet

Woody Allen (2007). “The Insanity Defense: The Complete Prose”, Random House Incorporated

I took a puff of the wrong cigarette at a fraternity dance once, and the cops had to get me, y'know. I broke two teeth trying to give a hickie to the Statue of Liberty.

Two, Giving, Trying

Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.

Funny, Sex, Humor

"Sleeper", 1973.

Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.

Divorce, Thinking, Water

You use sex to express every emotion except love.

Sex, Use, Emotion

"Husbands and Wives". www.imdb.com. 1992.

If 90% of success in life is showing up, the other 10% depends on what you're showing up for.

Goal, Showing Up, Life Is

My grammy never gave gifts, you know. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.

Annie Hall, Busy, Cossacks

Woody Allen, Marshall Brickman (2000). “Annie Hall: scénario bilingue”

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