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Woody Allen Quotes - Page 8

All Quotes Age Anxiety Art Atheism Atheist Baseball Basketball Beer Boredom Character Childhood Children Choices College Comedy Concentration Cooking Country Crime Culture Cynicism Death Desire Divorce Drama Driving Dying Education Enthusiasm Failing Falling In Love Feelings Fighting Film Food Fun Funny Genius Getting Older Giving God Hate Heart Heaven Hell Hilarious Home House Human Nature Humanity Hurt Imagination Immortality Inspiration Inspirational Inspiring Kissing Laughter Liberty Life Logic Love Love And Death Love Life Luck Lying Mankind Marriage Maturity Meaning Of Life Money Morning Pain Past Philosophy Politics Quality Reading Reality Regret Reincarnation Religion Running Sarcasm School Science Sleep Smoking Stupidity Style Success Suffering Sunday Talent Time Today Tragedy Universe Waiting Wall War Water Wife Winning Writing

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

Love, Heartbreak, Kissing

"Annie Hall". Comedy, Romance, 1977.

Dear Mom and Dad, Leave $50,000 in a bag under the bridge on Decatur Street. If there is no bridge on Decatur Street, please build one.

Mom, Children, Dad

Woody Allen (2007). “The Insanity Defense: The Complete Prose”, Random House Incorporated

Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.

Here And There, Way, Life Is

"On Being Funny: Woody Allen and Comedy". Book by Eric Lax, 1975.

What advice would I give the average homeowner to protect himself against burglars? Well, the first thing is to keep a light on in the house when you go out. It must be at least a sixty-watt bulb; anything less and the burglar will ransack the house, out of contempt for the wattage.

Light, Average, Giving

Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that yesterday too, and it rained.

Sunset, Yellow, Yesterday

Woody Allen (2007). “The Insanity Defense: The Complete Prose”, Random House Incorporated

If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be?

Men, Meat, Would Be

Woody Allen (2007). “The Insanity Defense: The Complete Prose”, Random House Incorporated

My father worked for the same firm for 12 years. They fired him and replaced him with a tiny gadget that does everything my father does, only much better. The depressing thing is my mother ran out and bought one

Mother, Depressing, Time

That (sex) was the most fun I ever had without laughing.

Sex, Fun, Laughing

What I do know about physics is that to a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.

Funny, Time, Men

You can learn technological things, you can learn about specific things, but the real problems that people deal with in any subject, existential subjects or romantic subjects, you never learn anything. So you make a fool of yourself when you're 20, you make a fool of yourself at 40, at 60 at 80. The ancient Greeks were dealing with these problems. They screwed up all the time. People do now.

Real, People, Greek

"Woody Allen Interview To Rome With Love". "MoviesOnline" Interview, www.moviesonline.ca. October 9, 2017.

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

Moving, Book, Beer

"Spring Bulletin", The New Yorker, April 29, 1967.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

Inspirational, Funny, Education

When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce.

Girl, Mother, Divorce

To me nature is... spiders and bugs, and big fish eating little fish, and plants eating plans, and animals eating... It's like an enormous restaurant, that's the way I see it.

Animal, Big Fish, Littles

My wife is immature. Whenever I take a bath, she sinks my boats.

Wife, Immature, Baths

In formulating any philosophy the first consideration must always be: What can we know? That is, what can we be sure we know, or sure that we know we knew it, if indeed it is at all knowable. Or have we simply forgotten it and are too embarrassed to say anything? Descartes hinted at the problem when he wrote, 'My mind can never know my body, although it has become quite friendly with my legs.

Philosophy, Mind, Say Anything

Woody Allen (2007). “The Insanity Defense: The Complete Prose”, Random House Incorporated

My brain? It's my second favorite organ!

Witty, Humorous, Brain

"Fictional character: Miles Monroe". "Sleeper", www.imdb.com. 1973.

The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5' 7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.

Funny, Humor, Men

People are always talking about the dumbing down of the country.

Country, Talking, People

"In Conversation: Woody Allen". NewYork Interview, nymag.com.

I loathed every day and regret every moment I spent in a school.

Regret, Educational, School

I was the captain of the latent paranoid softball team. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny. I used to steal second base, and feel guilty and go back.

Softball, Morning, Team

I foresee death by culture shock.

Culture, Shock, Culture Shock

I hope you're getting this down.

Happy Love, Love And Death, Hilarious Love

Love and Death, www.imdb.com. 1975.

Figures tell us there are already more people on earth than we need to move even the heaviest piano.

Funny, Moving, Piano

I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her.

Home, Divorce, Should Have

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