Funny Quotes - Page 188

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

By appreciation, we make excellence in others our own property.

Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.

I don't know all the certain words to word it.

Running a ball club is like raising kids who fall out of trees.

America is a nation of 270 million people: 100 million of them are gangsters, another 100 million are hustlers, 50 million are complete lunatics, and every single one of us is secretly in show business. Isn't that fabulous?

The most powerful music is music with purpose.

I like a funny girl. Smart. Talented. I like someone who is good at music - that always intrigues me.

My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

Your Constitution is all sail and no anchor.

I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, "Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday."

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?

Sometimes I... No, I don't.

I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said 'cut it out'

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it because I was so happy all the time.

To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush...I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough...Somebody shoot me in the face.

I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short.

Currently we don't have plans on conquering the world.

When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS.

Since so many people these days don't seem to start their families until around age forty, I predict there will be less child beating, but more slipped disks from lifting babies out of cribs. Even the father of advanced age who's not inclined to spare the rod is likely to suffer more than his victim: The first punch he throws might well be the last straw for his rotator cuff, reducing his disciplinary options to mere verbal abuse and napping.