Funny Quotes - Page 68

A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon.

Puns are the highest form of literature.

The true God, the mighty God, is the God of ideas.

I don't know (if they were men or women running naked across the field). They had bags over their heads.

Football is, after all, a wonderful way to get rid of your aggressions without going to jail for it.

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

I admire that about the Republicans: The evidence does not faze them. They are not bothered at all by the facts.

An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.

The true triumph of reason is that it enables us to get along with those who do not possess it.

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.

You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.

What did the carrot say to the wheat? Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet.

The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Sure, I have advice for people starting to write. Don't. I don't need the competition.

Too much work, and no vacation, Deserves at least a small libation. So hail! my friends, and raise your glasses, Work's the curse of the drinking classes.

A true batsman should in most of his strokes tell the truth about himself.

I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.

Volleyball is one of the most interactive games going. It is a game of intuition, imagination, improvisation - but most of all, of reciprocity - of teamwork. There is no way to free-lance in volleyball.

Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.

I'm not for everyone. I'm barely for me.

It's a funny thing... but people mostly have it backward. They think they live by what they want. But really, what guides them is what they're afraid of. What they don't want.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.

More die in the United States of too much food than of too little.