Funny Quotes - Page 77

Trust is hard to come by. That's why my circle is small and tight. I'm kind of funny about making new friends.

Everybody does that now. We all take pics... you do the same with holiday photos. You record something to look back on it, even though you’re not really there when you’re taking the picture 'cause you’re too busy recording it; so you retrospectively go to look back on where you weren’t and tell yourself you had a good time.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'

I was six foot one inch when I started fighting, but with all the uppercuts I'm up to six foot five inches.

In the factory we make cosmetics. In the store we sell hope.

Out of sight of land the sailor feels safe. It is the beach that worries him.

Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I'm not going to make it, but you laugh inside — remembering all the times you've felt that way.

When you're riding, only the race in which you're riding is important.

Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into.

The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.

An unsophisticated forecaster uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts - for support rather than for illumination.

We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads.

Good code is its own best documentation. As you're about to add a comment, ask yourself, "How can I improve the code so that this comment isn't needed?" Improve the code and then document it to make it even clearer.

Thankfully, perseverance is a good substitute for talent.

The trouble with this country is that there are too many people going about saying, "The trouble with this country is...."

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a Rolls Royce would today cost $100 and get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside.

Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.

And do you know a funny thing? I'm almost fifty years old and I've never understood anything in my whole life.

[On what bugged him] A fine city with too many socialists and mosquitoes. At least you can spray the mosquitoes.

I hate vacations. If you can build buildings, why sit on the beach?

I've got nothing to do today but smile.

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, journalism keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.