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Dave Barry Quotes about Country

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The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. They're the kind of people who'd stop to help you change a flat, but would

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. They're the kind of people who'd stop to help you change a flat, but would somehow manage to set your car on fire. I would be reluctant to entrust them with a Cuisinart, let alone the economy. The Republicans, on the other hand, would know how to fix your tire, but they wouldn't bother to stop because they'd want to be on time for Ugly Pants Night at the country club

Dave Barry
Country, Night, Fire
Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Turns Forty”, p.124, Ballantine Books

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.

Dave Barry
Country, Scotland, America
Dave Barry (1991). “Dave Barry's guide to life”, Random House Value Publishing

The French are not rude. They just happen to hate you. But that is no reason to bypass this beautiful country, whose master chefs have a well-deserved worldwide reputation for trying to trick people into eating snails. Nobody is sure how this got started. Probably a couple of French master chefs were standing around one day, and they found a snail, and one of them said: 'I bet that if we called this something like `escargot,' tourists would eat it.' Then they had hearty laugh, because 'escargot' is the French word for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm.'

Dave Barry
Beautiful, Country, Couple
Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need”, p.127, Ballantine Books

England is a very popular foreign country to visit because the people there speak some English.

Dave Barry
Funny, Country, Humorous
Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need”, p.122, Ballantine Books

Sign outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.

Dave Barry
God, Country, Stupidity

The Ford Falcon holds the proud title of Slowest Car Ever Built. In certain areas of the country you can go to a stoplight and find Falcon drivers who pressed down on their accelerators in 1963 and are still waiting for their cars to move.

Dave Barry
Country, Moving, Car
Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Talks Back”, p.39, Crown Archetype

Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask whether your country has been inhaling paint-thinner fumes.

Dave Barry
Country, Paint, Has Beens
Dave Barry (1994). “The World According to Dave Barry”, Outlet

The problem ... is that we have run out of dinosaurs to form oil with. Scientists working for the Department of Energy have tried to form oil using other animals; they've piled thousands of tons of sand and Middle Eastern countries on top of cows, raccoons, haddock, laboratory rats, etc., but so far all they have managed to do is run up an enormous bulldozer-rental bill and anger a lot of Middle Eastern persons. None of the animals turned into oil, although most of the laboratory rats developed cancer.

Dave Barry
Running, Country, Cancer

John Dorschner, one of our staff writers here at Tropic magazine at The Miami Herald, who is a good friend of mine and an excellent journalist, but a raving liberal, wrote a story about a group that periodically pops up saying that they're going to start their own country or start their own planet or go back to their original planet, or whatever. They were going to "create a libertarian society" on a floating platform in the Caribbean somewhere. I know there's never going to be a country on a floating anything, but if they want to talk about it, that's great.

Dave Barry
Country, Good Friend, Groups
""All I Think Is That It's Stupid": An Interview with Dave Barry". Interview with Glenn Garvin, reason.com. December, 1994.

I've been to Washington many times over the years for stories, and it always seems remarkably the same. More the same than the rest of the country. It's almost like they dress the same as they did 20 years ago. The same old guys are sitting outside the same dirty, dingy secret offices in the Capitol that you're not allowed to go in.

Dave Barry
Country, Dirty, Years
""All I Think Is That It's Stupid": An Interview with Dave Barry". Interview with Glenn Garvin, reason.com. December, 1994.

In foreign countries such as Italy, the government puts strict-looking speed limit signs everywhere, but nobody ever sees them because light does not travel fast enough to catch the Italian drivers.

Dave Barry
Funny, Country, Humorous

The way this country deals with drugs is just not funny. What a waste of everyone's time and effort. What a waste of a lot of people's lives.

Dave Barry
Country, People, Effort
"All I Think Is That It's Stupid". Interview with Glenn Garvin, reason.com. December, 1994.

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin.

Dave Barry
Country, Flipping A Coin, Complaining

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