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Dave Barry Quotes about God

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Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.

Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.

God, Stupid, Abuse

Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

God, Jobs, Laughing

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

God, Writing, Stupidity

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

God, Swimming, Whales

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

God, Ice, Stupidity

Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," she told him. With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.

God, Years, Stupidity

Sign at a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.

God, Water, Stupidity

Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spiderwebs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.

God, Stupidity, Leeches

Sign outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.

God, Country, Stupidity

For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

God, People, Stupidity

And now, the Superstore - unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

God, Stupidity, Size

Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse.

God, Horse, Stupidity

Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.

God, Hands, People

Sign at a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished?

God, Light, Stupidity

Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.

God, Stupidity, Needs

Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.

God, Numbers, Stupidity

Chair lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.

God, Views, Stupidity

Line printer paper is strongest at the perforations.

God, Paper, Lines

Of course God enjoys a good prank as much as the next infallible deity.

Funny, God, Humorous

Dave Barry (2009). “Dave Barry Is from Mars and Venus”, p.120, Ballantine Books

Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals.

God, Animal, Walking Sticks

Sign at a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.

God, Dirty, Kentucky

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, "Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?

God, Vacation, Stupidity

Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

God, Children, Turkeys

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

God, Appreciate, Stupidity

Murphy's golden rule: Whoever has the gold, makes the rules.

God, Stupidity, Gold

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