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Dave Barry Quotes about Technology

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Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.

Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.

Science, Technology, Teeth

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry in Cyberspace”, p.39, Ballantine Books

Computers are getting smarter all the time. Scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (And by 'they', I mean 'computers'. I doubt scientists will ever be able to talk to us.)

Mean, Technology, Doubt

Technology is constantly improving our lives. Look at the cellular telephone. Just ten years ago, virtually nobody was able to get into a car crash caused by trying to steer and dial at the same time; today, people do this all the time.

Technology, Years, People

Dave Barry (1994). “Dave Barry's Gift Guide to End All Gift Guides”, Crown Pub

What I need is a search engine that, no matter what I type in, comes back with GO BACK TO WORK.

Funny, Technology, Needs

Twitter post from Jun 16, 2009

Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.

Technology, Men, Answers

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry in Cyberspace”, p.23, Ballantine Books

To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.

Technology, Needs, Looks

I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.

Technology, Purpose, Use

I will vote for the first candidate who promises to use nuclear missiles against LinkedIn.

Witty, Technology, Promise

Twitter post from Jan 23, 2012

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

Communication, Technology, Waiting

Dave Barry (1997). “Dave Barry in Cyberspace”, Ballantine Books

Hardware: where the people in your company's software section will tell you the problem is. Software: where the people in your company's hardware section will tell you the problem is.

Technology, People, Computer

Dave Barry (1986). “Claw Your Way to the Top: How to Become the Head of a Major Corporation in Roughly a Week”, p.43, Rodale

Now, once again, we find ourselves facing rising gas prices, and the question is: This time, are we going to learn from the past? Are we finally going to get serious about energy conservation? Of course not! We have the brains of mealworms! So we need to get more oil somehow. As far as I can figure, there's only one practical way to do this. That's right: We need to clone more dinosaurs. We have the technology, as was shown in two blockbuster scientific movies, Jurassic Park and Jurassic Park Returns with Exactly the Same Plot. Once we have the dinosaurs, all we need is an asteroid.

Past, Technology, Two

Microsoft has a new version out, Windows XP, which according to everybody is the 'most reliable Windows ever.' To me, this is like saying that asparagus is 'the most articulate vegetable ever.'

Technology, Vegetables, Microsoft

Dave Barry (2003). “Boogers Are My Beat: More Lies, but Some Actual Journalism”, p.177, Crown Archetype

Database: the information you lose when your memory crashes.

Memories, Technology, Information

Dave Barry (2001). “All the Dave Barry you could ever want: four classic books in one from America's foremost humorist”

The population of earth has reached 7 billion people, every single one of whom send you irritating emails to join something called "LinkedIn."

Funny, Technology, People

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don't even exist yet

Technology, Hair, One Day

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