Dave Barry Quotes about War

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Nobody in the United States knows what either a meter or a kilogram is. The whole reason why we fought the Cold War was so we wouldn't have to learn the metric system.

Nobody in the United States knows what either a "meter" or a "kilogram" is. The whole reason why we fought the Cold War was so we wouldn't have to learn the metric system.

Dave Barry

War, Metrics, Metric System

Proper turkey preparation is critical. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, more Americans die every year from eating improperly cooked turkey than were killed in the entire Peloponnesian War. This is because turkey can contain salmonella, which are tiny bacteria that, if they get in your bloodstream, develop into full-grown salmon, which could come leaping out of your mouth during an important business presentation.

Dave Barry

War, Funny Thanksgiving, Years

After the war, Prohibition was passed, and with liquor no longer legally available the nation plunged headlong into the Great Depression.

Dave Barry

Funny, War, Humorous

Dave Barry (2011). “Dave Barry Hits Below the Beltway”, p.73, Ballantine Books

I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.

Dave Barry

War, Fans, Rolling

Dave Barry (2011). “Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down”, p.123, Ballantine Books

During bomb drills, we students were told to crouch under our desks. Apparently the desks used in classrooms in the fifties were made of an exceptionally missile-resistant variety of wood. During the Cold War years I often wondered why it never occurred to our defense planners to protect the entire nation from nuclear attack by simply covering it, from sea to shining sea, with a huge Strategic Classroom Desk.

Dave Barry

War, Years, Sea

If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answer that most people would: nuclear war, global warming and Windows.

Dave Barry

War, Race, Names

The United States tried, by depressing the clutch of diplomacy and downshifting the gearshift lever of rhetoric, to remain neutral, but it became increasingly obvious that the nation was going to get into a war, especially since it was almost 1812.

Dave Barry

Depressing, War, United States

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Slept Here: A Sort of History of the United States”, p.60, Ballantine Books

The whole thing about whether you smoke marijuana or not is so ridiculous. That and whether you protested the Vietnam War. Give me a break. Especially the marijuana thing.

Dave Barry

War, Marijuana, Giving

""All I Think Is That It's Stupid": An Interview with Dave Barry". Interview with Glenn Garvin, reason.com. December, 1994.

What a crock. I could easily overemphasize the importance of good grammar. For example, I could say: Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in North America, or Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II.

Dave Barry

War, Humorous, Painful Death

I'm reading "Team of Rivals'' I'll probably ending up reading a bunch of books about the Civil War. But I think my all-time favorite book about the war is the novel, "The Killer Angels'' by Michael Shaara.

Dave Barry

War, Team, Book

Source: www.bostonglobe.com

For a while I got into the South Pacific theater of World War II. I read "American Caesar" by William Manchester, the biography of General MacArthur. Because of that I ended up reading "Tales of the South Pacific" by James Michener and then because of that reading his "Hawaii." That is what happens.

Dave Barry

War, Reading, Hawaii

Source: www.bostonglobe.com