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George Carlin Quotes - Page 21

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If people stand in a circle long enough, they'll eventually begin to dance.

If people stand in a circle long enough, they'll eventually begin to dance.

Circles, Long, People

"Napalm and Silly Putty". Book by George Carlin, April 24, 2001.

If I ever lose my mind I hope some honest person will find it and take it to Lost and Found.

Humorous, Mind, Honest

George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.464, Hachette UK

I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be "Governor Bush." I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.

Country, Names, Office

"George Carlin... It's Bad for Ya!", www.imdb.com. 2008.

She was only a prostitute, but she had the nicest face I ever came across.

Humor, Faces

It's way beyond ironic that a place called the Holy Land is the location of the fiercest, most deeply felt hatred in the world. And it makes for wonderful theater.

Land, Hatred, Ironic

George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.

Christian, Stupid People, Thinking

Let's not have a double standard. One standard will do just fine.

Double Standard, Standards, Fine

When I was young I used to read about the decline of Western civilization, and I decided it was something I would like to make a contribution to.

Humorous, Civilization, Used

George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.

Suicide, Commit, Ifs

"George Carlin: Life Is Worth Losing". TV Special, www.imdb.com. 2005.

There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.

Intention, Bad Thoughts, Bad Word

It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn't afford to do experiments in order to prove theories. We just believed everything. Actually, I think that class was called Religion. Religion class was always an easy class. All you had to do was suspend the logic and reasoning you were being taught in all the other classes.

Science, Thinking, Order

George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.

World, Comedy, Upside Down

And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.

Jesus, Sex, Mean

George Carlin (2007). “The Best of Brain Droppings”, p.62, Peter Pauper Press, Inc.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Turtles, Shells, Naked

And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National

Stupid, People, Messages

I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. It's a shame everything has to have a label. I feel that if I was figuratively dropped on the Earth and there was a political line, I would be just left of center. The difference for me is that conservatives are more interested in property values and rights and free markets, and liberals are more interested in human rights. In the end, there are people who don't fit into the marketplace and are not equipped. I believe the government should step in where the free market fails.

Atheist, Business, Believe

Las Vegas CityLife, August 09, 2007.

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

Needs, Ovation, Corny

George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

I don't vote. We're led to believe we're free through the exercise of ineffective freedoms.

Believe, Exercise, Vote

If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.

Love You, Fire, One Love

President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.

Prayer, War, President

I like my jokes to be built on a foundation of ideas, or at least smart observations.

Smart, Ideas, Foundation

Source: www.avclub.com

We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.

Beautiful, Spiritual, People

I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.

There's some invisible guy, up in the sky, who can kill you, because he loves you.

Jesus, Love You, Sky

It's not in the mainstream media yet, but the biggest jump in skin cancer has occurred since the advent of sunscreens. That kind of thing makes me happy. The fact that people, in pursuit of a superficial look of health, give themselves a fatal disease. I love it when 'reasoning' human beings think they have figured out how to beat something and it comes right back and kicks them in the nuts. God bless the law of unintended consequences. And the irony is impressive: Healthy people, trying to look healthier, make themselves sick. Good!

Cancer, Thinking, Media

George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

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