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George Carlin Quotes - Page 19

All Quotes Abortion Age Aging Airplane Alcohol Art Atheism Atheist Balance Baseball Beer Belief Boundaries Bullshit Cancer Children Choices Church Comedy Cooking Country Crime Culture Cynicism Death Drinking Dying Earth Effort Environment Evil Family Feelings Fighting Food Football Friday Fun Funny Getting High Giving Giving Up God Golf Growth Guilt Hard Work Hate Hatred Heart Hell Holiday Home Honesty House Humanity Hurt Hypocrisy Inspiration Inspirational Jesus Judging Killing Language Laughter Life Lying Memories Military Money Morning Mountain Observation Office Pain Past Peace Perspective Philosophy Pleasure Police Pot Prayer Quality Rain Reading Religion Running Safety Sarcasm School Science Selling Shame Sleep Smile Smoking Soul Speed Sports Talent Team Time Today Travel Truth Values Vegetarian Voting Waiting Wall War Water Wife Work Worry Worship Writing

There is a certain amount of righteous indignation I hold for the American culture, because to get back to the real root of it, to get broader about it, my opinion that is my species - and my culture in America

There is a certain amount of righteous indignation I hold for the American culture, because to get back to the real root of it, to get broader about it, my opinion that is my species - and my culture in America specifically - have let me down and betrayed me. I think this species had great, great promise, with this great upper brain that we have, and I think we squandered it on God and Mammon. And I think this culture of ours has such promise, with the promise of real, true freedom, and then everyone has been shackled by ownership and possessions and acquisition and status and power.

Real, Thinking, Brain

Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in my case the deliverer of material - is, "Don't you see it, don't you see how badly you're doing?" It's like shaking a child - which you're not supposed to do.

Children, Men, Cases

Source: www.psychologytoday.com

Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.

Bullshit, Stories, All Time

I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.

Country, Believe, Matter

George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

Religion is just mind control.

Funny, Mind, Religion

Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness. Laugh..apologiz e..let go of what you can't change.

Letting Go, Life Is Too Short, Perfect

Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken word, the writing that goes into it is an art form - it's certainly artistry.

Art, Writing, People

Source: www.psychologytoday.com

hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.

Hard Work, Long, Effort

George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.575, Hachette UK

Pardon me I've got nothing to say.

Pardon Me, Pardon

All music is the blues. All of it.

Music Is

George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

Funny, Humor, Dumb Questions

Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails.

Whales, Tree, Bees

George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.

Long, Growth, Favors

George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.

Watches, Looks, Facts

George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

My books and records are arranged according to subject, and within each subject, they're alphabetical by author or artist. The music tapes are alphabetical and the performance tapes are in chronological order.I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.

Dream, Book, Artist

Source: reprints.longform.org

I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.

Humorous, Worry, Hell

George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.

Night, Light, Lamps

George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.

War, Believe, Germany

"Real Time" with Bill Maher, September 9, 2005.

I was taken to the hospital for observation. I stayed several days, didn't observe anything, and I left.

Taken, Observation, Left

George Carlin (2007). “The Best of Brain Droppings”, p.82, Peter Pauper Press, Inc.

Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.

Baby, Military, Stupid

George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

A scary dream makes your heart beat faster. Why doesn't the part of your brain that controls your heartbeat realize that another part of your brain is making the whole thing up? Don't these people communicate?

Dream, Heart, People

George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.185, Hachette UK

The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.

Years, Calling, Old Testament

George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

Professional soldiers are people who die for a living.

Humorous, People, Soldier

I had run away from home three times. I had been kicked out of three different schools under different circumstances. I was kicked out of everything that I didn't quit. Kicked out of schools. Kicked out of summer camp, the Boy Scouts, the altar boys, the choir, and something else that I can't think of, that I'm proud of. Anyway, that was my pattern. I just began to invent myself early in life, and went out and did something about it.

Summer, Running, School

Source: mavericksofthemind.com

We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.

Elected Officials, Officials, Deserve

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