Groucho Marx Quotes about Funny

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others merely by getting a law passed.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Whatever it is, I'm against it.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.

Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.