Groucho Marx Quotes about Funny - Page 2

If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.

Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.

Time wounds all heels.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.

The only real laughter comes from despair.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.

I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.