My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
I told my doctor I got water on my knee, he gave me a sponge and raised his fee!
I'll tell ya, I don't get no respect... The other day, I got back from a business trip. I got in a cab and said to the driver, "Hey! Take me to where the action is!" So ya know where he took me? He took me to my house!
When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."
The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!
What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.
A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.
I was a poster child... for birth control!
Life is just a bowl of pits.
My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!!
My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
