I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.
A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
Last Halloween a kid tried to rip my face off. He thought it was a mask. Now it's different when I open the door the kids hand me candy.
My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There is a pair of shoes on the dashboard. They belong to the last guy she hit
I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.
I have three kids, one of each.
She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.
I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, "what, you can't think of anybody either?"
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.
School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".
My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway. he said, "I don't know, no one has ever made it".
