Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about Funny - Page 3

She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars.

I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!

Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.

I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun!

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone!

I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster.

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.

She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

There's only one thing wrong with my wife's face - it shows.

Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.

I took my son to Coney island, I said "wanna go in the crazy house?", he said "save your money we'll be home soon"!

I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!

I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!