Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about Funny - Page 4

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !

In high school, when I played football I got no respect. I shared a locker with a mop.

She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.

Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.

My daughters been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles

I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!

When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!

Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!

My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.

For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.

My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.

I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.

My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.

Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.

One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard!

Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.