Funny Quotes - Page 18

The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

Life is like a ten speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

A friend is long sought, hardly found, and with difficulty kept.

Cocaine is God's way of telling you you are making too much money.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

We have the best government that money can buy.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

If you're gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty.

A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.

Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.

Why do they call it "rush hour" when nothing moves?

Writing is like prostitution. First you do it for love, and then for a few close friends, and then for money.

The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it is true.

A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent.

If you want to be a photographer, first leave home

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

Start with good people, lay out the rules, communicate with your employees, motivate them and reward them. If you do all those things effectively, you can't miss.

A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

Traveling is like flirting with life. It's like saying, 'I would stay and love you, but I have to go; this is my station.

Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.

The guitar is your first wings. It's assigned and designed to unfold your vision and imagination.