Funny Quotes - Page 3

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.

Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.

Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink.

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Everyone has a doctor in him or her; we just have to help it in its work. The natural healing force within each one of us is the greatest force in getting well. Our food should be our medicine. Our medicine should be our food. But to eat when you are sick, is to feed your sickness.

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.

It is very simple to be happy, but it is very difficult to be simple.

Laughter is the fireworks of the soul.

I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Destiny may ride with us today, but there is no reason for it to interfere with lunch.

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress.

I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born.

The man who asks a question is a fool for a minute, the man who does not ask is a fool for life.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

The less Holy Spirit we have, the more cake and coffee we need to keep the church going.