Funny Quotes - Page 93

The cool thing about being famous is traveling. I have always wanted to travel across seas, like to Canada and stuff.

It is better to be unfaithful than to be faithful without wanting to be.

Any other town you go to there's this little devil and a little angel on your shoulder. A little good advice, a little bad advice.You go to Las Vegas, there's like a devil and a devil and they're just battling it out the whole time. It's like, "Smoke some crack!" "Get a hooker!" And then I go, "YEA! Yea, this is a good town. Smoke some crack and get a hooker! Alright!"

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I'm right.

Each generation has been an education for us in different ways. The first child-with-bloody-nose was rushed to the emergency room. The fifth child-with-bloody-nose was told to go to the yard immediately and stop bleeding on the carpet.

Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.

I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.

I think my idea of retirement might be to one day work a 40-hour week.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

Do you want to be mesmermized by the physical phenomenon?

Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.

I can't take his genius any more.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, "Attack!" And he has one. All he does is piddle. He's nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.

It is great to be a blonde. With low expectations it's very easy to surprise people.

Love is like a war; easy to start but hard to end and you never know where it might take you.

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies.

Until God opens the next door, praise Him in the hallway.

When I play with my cat, who knows whether she is not amusing herself with me more than I with her.

One of life's most painful moments comes when we must admit that we didn't do our homework, that we are not prepared.

It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor.

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

I live in my own little world. But its ok, they know me here.