Funny Quotes - Page 40

If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning 'Good morning' at total strangers.

We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?

I can't relate to lazy people. We don't speak the same language. I don't understand you. I don't want to understand you.

Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.

Be awfully nice to them going up, because you're gonna meet them all coming down.

Nothing can duplicate the sheer power and feeling you get from standing in front of your amp and bashing on your guitar.

Honestly, if you were any slower, you’d be going backward.

Their elegant shape, showy colors, and slow, sailing mode of flight, make them very attractive objects, and their numbers are so great that they form quite a feature in the physiognomy of the forest, compensating for the scarcity of flowers.

I said to my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' She said, 'I want to go somewhere I've never been before.' I said, 'Try the kitchen.'

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff.

I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

Spain travel tip: If bathroom genders are indicated by flamingos, the boy flamingo is the one with a hat. I learned this the hard way.

But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.

In my time at Anfield we always said we had the best two teams on Merseyside - Liverpool and Liverpool reserves.

Competitions are for horses, not artists.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'

Should auld acquaintance be forgot, And never brought to min?

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

An excellent man; he has no enemies; and none of his friends like him.