Funny Quotes - Page 54

The elevator to success is out of order, but the stairs are always open.

Paul Ryan's love for Rage Against The Machine is amusing, because he is the embodiment of the machine that our music has been raging against for two decades

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

A sailing ship is no democracy; you don't caucus a crew as to where you'll go anymore than you inquire when they'd like to shorten sail.

The goal is to win. It's not about making money. I have many much less risky ways of making money than this (buying Chelsea football club). I don't want to throw my money away, but it's really about having fun and that means success and trophies.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.

Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.

Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice.

If someone tells you you're not beautiful, turn around and walk away so they can have a great view of your fabulous ass.

I try to look at this music career thing as the means to an end. And really, at the end of it, I see myself on a sailboat, sailing off the edge of the world.

Once the travel bug bites there is no known antidote, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life

I thought I should go to New York because it was the place to go to study. I went and tried to get an application from the Juilliard School but they wouldn't even give me one because I didn't have my high school graduation.

There are five stages in the life of an actor: Who's Mary Astor? Get me Mary Astor. Get me a Mary Astor type. Get me a young Mary Astor. Who's Mary Astor?

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

I have said nothing because there is nothing I can say that would describe how I feel as perfectly as you deserve it.

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

I think we may class the lawyer in the natural history of monsters.

Choosing individual stocks without any idea of what you're looking for is like running through a dynamite factory with a burning match. You may live, but you're still an idiot.

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done".