Funny Quotes - Page 52

I am sure there are many things better than a good cigar, but right now, I can't think of what they might be.

There aren't any hard women, only soft men.

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

I'm not melancholy; I'm a happy-go-lucky person, kind of silly. I like funny things. I have a lot of energy. I tend to like music that's mellow, though.

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

Being pretty on the inside means you don't hit your brother and you eat all your peas - that's what my grandma taught me.

That's the funny thing about life. We're rarely aware of the bullets we dodge. The just-misses. The almost-never-happeneds. We spend so much time worrying about how the future is going to play out and not nearly enough time admiring the precious perfection of the present.

If dogs could talk, perhaps we would find it as hard to get along with them as we do with people.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

Divorce isn't such a tragedy. A tragedy's staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce.

I think young writers should get other degrees first, social sciences, arts degrees or even business degrees. What you learn is research skills, a necessity because a lot of writing is about trying to find information.

Drawing is like making an expressive gesture with the advantage of permanence.

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.

Opinions are like nipples, everybody has one. Some have firm points, others are barely discernible through layers, and some are displayed at every opportunity regardless of whether the audience has stated "I am interested in your nipples" or not.

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT.

A day wasted on others is not wasted on one's self.

Leadership comes in small acts as well as bold strokes.

After thirty, a body has a mind of its own.

Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.

Ambition may be defined as the willingness to receive any number of hits on the nose.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

If you trust in yourself. . .and believe in your dreams. . .and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.