Funny Quotes - Page 148

I have only one ambition left: I should like to have a good epitaph.

I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.

The basis of optimism is sheer terror.

Ones real life is often the life that one does not lead.

Arguments are to be avoided: they are always vulgar and often convincing.

One of the most feared expressions in modern times is 'The computer is down.'

More gold has been mined from the thoughts of men than has been taken from the earth.

Mansell is slowing it down, taking it easy. Oh, no he isn't! It's a lap record.

When you open the elevator on the top floor of a building and the other guy doesn't get out, something is seriously wrong.

It's important to just kind of get away from your sport until you miss it. It's about taking time to enjoy other aspects of life or learn new things. It helps rejuvenate.

I'm stronger than I think I am. Mentally, physically.

As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye.

I think that I'm so psychotic and so mentally ill that if I could tap into that I could do something really interesting.

Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.

If there are no cigars in heaven, I shall not go.

What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.

A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt

Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.

Thirty ways to shape up for summer. Number one: eat less. Number two: exercise more. Number three: what was I talking about again? I'm so hungry.

When women go wrong, men go right after them.

A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.

It seems that boredom is one of the greatest discoveries of our time. If so, there's no question but that he must be considered a pioneer.

People say there's delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years, a bunch of people used to die on the way there, have a baby, you would end up with a whole different group of people by the time you got there. Now you watch a movie and [go to the toilet] and you're home.

All tragedies are finished by a death, All comedies are ended by a marriage.

In my opinion MS is a lot better at making money than it is at making good operating systems.