Funny Quotes - Page 50

Music is spiritual. The music business is not.

There are no nudists in cold areas.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

Be so good they can't ignore you.

I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.

I never met anybody who said when they were a kid, I wanna grow up and be a critic.

Always walk towards open doors. And if they slam shut in your face, kick that sucker in and keep going.

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

No means yes in grasshopper language.

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.

Friendship is love minus sex and plus reason. Love is friendship plus sex minus reason

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

To think is easy. To act is hard. But the hardest thing in the world is to act in accordance with your thinking.

When you don't know what you're doing, fake it.

Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.

What are we doing here? Has something gone wrong?” “Oh no, Ron,” came Fred’s voice, very sarcastically. “No, this is exactly where we wanted to end up.

Where is Wood?" said Harry, suddenly realizing he wasn't there. "Still in the showers," said Fred. "We think he's trying to drown himself.

People say I'm extravagant because I want to be surrounded by beauty. But tell me, who wants to be surrounded by garbage?

Readers are plentiful; thinkers are rare.

I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant...because I believe in myself.

When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'

Every kind of music is good, except the boring kind.