Funny Quotes - Page 48

For me, insanity is super sanity. The normal is psychotic. Normal means lack of imagination, lack of creativity.

Harry!" said Fred, elbowing Percy out of the way and bowing deeply. "Simply splendid to see you, old boy-" "Marvelous," said George, pushing Fred aside and seizing Harry's hand in turn. "Absolutely spiffing." Percy scowled. "That's enough, now," said Mrs. Weasley. "Mum!" said Fred as though he'd only just spotted her and seizing her hand too. "How really corking to see you-

Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.

All I want for my birthday is another birthday.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes.

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken.

St. Francis of Assisi was hoeing his garden when someone asked what he would do if he were suddenly to learn that he would die before sunset that very day. "I would finish hoeing my garden," he replied.

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Life is a blank canvas, and you need to throw all the paint on it you can.

Of course, there are a lot of ways you can treat the blues, but it will still be the blues.

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

When I was a little boy, I told my dad, 'When I grow up, I want to be a musician.' My dad said: 'You can't do both, Son'.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

No good opera plot can be sensible, for people do not sing when they are feeling sensible.

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.

A man should control his life. Mine is controlling me.

I may be a living legend, but that sure don't help when I've got to change a flat tire.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

Yes, I thought I was joining Manchester United, I was misled by all involved. I wasnt aware of another Manchester team

It will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need, and our air force has to have a bake-sale to buy a bomber.

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.