Murphy's golden rule: Whoever has the gold, makes the rules.
No man had ever knocked little Richard down. But of course Ammm was not a man.
Dear Hotel People: We don't need a cheeseball clock-radio. WE NEED PLACES TO PLUG STUFF IN. Thank you.
The IRS wants you to use this form because it gets to keep most of your money. So unless you have pond silt for brains, you want the long form.
Dating means doing a lot of fun things you will never do again if you get married. The fun stops with marriage because you're trying to save money for when you split up your property.
I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are our Hope for the Future, and some day, when my generation retires, they will have to pay us trillions of dollars in social security
There's an old saying among scientific guys: "You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs, ideally by dropping a cement truck on them from a crane."
Of course, the truth is that the congresspersons are too busy raising campaign money to read the laws they pass. The laws are written by staff tax nerds who can put pretty much any wording they want in there. I bet that if you actually read the entire vastness of the US tax code, you'd find at least one sex scene. ("Yes, yes, YES!" moaned Vanessa as Lance, his taut body moist with moisture, again and again depreciated her adjusted gross rate of annualized fiscal debenture...)
A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call.
The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.
Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights.
Too many rocks in the mountains.
Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II.
The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.
[American tax laws] are constantly changing as our elected representatives seek new ways to ensure that whatever tax advice we receive is incorrect.
If the people in Europe are SOOOOOO smart, how come so many of them can't seem to locate the deodorant, huh?
What I think is that the F-word is basically just a convenient nasty-sounding word that we tend to use when we would really like to come up with a terrific-ally witty insult, the kind Winston Churchill always came up with when enormous women asked him stupid questions at parties.
