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George Carlin Quotes - Page 17

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The status quo sucks.

The status quo sucks.

Funny, Life, Humor

Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.

Funny, Humor, Tests

George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.91, Hachette UK

I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here are a few I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was."; "Drinking will significantly improve your chances of murdering a loved one."; "If you drink long enough, at some point you will vomit up the lining of your stomach."; "Use this product and you may wake up in Morocco wearing a cowboy suit and tongue-kissing a transmission salesman."

Father, Drinking, Kissing

George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.657, Hachette UK

Life is a series of dogs.

Dog, Life Is, Series

George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

But when you're in front of an audience and you make them laugh at a new idea, you're guiding the whole being for the moment. No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open, completely themselves when that message hits the brain and the laugh begins. That's when new ideas can be implanted. If a new idea slips in at that moment, it has a chance to grow.

Positivity, Ideas, Laughing

Granola didn't sell very well when it was good for you. Now it has caramel, chocolate, marshmallow, saturated fat and sweeteners with a small amount of oats and grains. Sales picked up.

Oats, Chocolate, Fats

No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.

Ideas, People, Laughing

Source: mavericksofthemind.com

I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'

Father, Thinking, People

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Funny, Sarcastic, Sarcasm

George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.

Stupid, Holiday, Weekend

Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other's picture.

Art, Taken, Thieves

George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids

Hemorrhoids

Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'

Intelligent, Hair, Blue

George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.393, Hachette UK

Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.

Inspirational, Funny, Life

George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

Why is there such controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who'd be willing to test any drug they can come up with.

Funny, Guy, Drug

"Brain Droppings".

I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist.

Thinking, Realist, Cynic

Source: www.avclub.com

I like good ideas. I don't want just do something for it's own sake to bother people, but if I can bother them with a logical argument about something they have agreed to in society simplistically - like children are sacred, the cult of the child, this cult of professional parenthood, and of course religion, and respect for policemen and the law, and all of these untouchable areas. I like attacking those beliefs, but in with good sound thinking, and an unusual approach.

Children, Thinking, Law

Source: mavericksofthemind.com

The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the intellect.

Thinking, Ideas, Limits

Source: www.avclub.com

If you dropped me off a space platform onto the ground where a line was drawn, I would fall to the left side of it. I believe the difference between right and left is that the right, for the most part, the bulk of their philosophy is interested in property, and the rights of people to own property and gain and acquire and keep property. And I think on the left - though they blend and mix - on the left primarily you will find people who are more concerned about humans, and the human condition, and what can be done.

Philosophy, Believe, Fall

Source: www.avclub.com

Of course, in Los Angeles, everything is based on driving, even the killings. In New York, most people don't have cars, so if you want to kill a person, you have to take the subway to their house. And sometimes on the way, the train is delayed and you get impatient, so you have to kill someone on the subway. That's why there are so many subway murders; no one has a car.

New York, Car, People

George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

E-I-E-I-O is actually a gross misspelling of the word farm.

Genuine, Gross, Farms

George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.191, Hachette UK

I think it's important to break taboos for the same reason it's important to break laws and rules - because either you're a slave to them, or you're taking matters into your hands.

Thinking, Hands, Law

Source: mavericksofthemind.com

Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.

Stupid, Long, People

George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

The radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive. I don't". Well, I hope you don't drive sober either Mr. Healey. You're blind for God's sake!

Band, Radio, Sake

That's really a part of my nature , it goes along with autonomy and independence of action - it's just that I don't identify with the local group, no matter what it is, whether it's the human species or the American democracy, the nation, the country, religions, political parties, nothing. None of these have my allegiance because I'm not really concerned with what they do. I don't feel a part of any of this.

Country, Party, Political

Source: mikestarling.weebly.com

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