Groucho Marx Quotes - Page 10

If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.

Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put "Emily, I love you" on the back of the bill.

Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy

I hate London when it's not raining.

Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water.

This would be a better place for children if parents had to eat spinach.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

Hello, I must be going.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America. Now he's unknown throughout the world.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

I'd have liked to have gone to bed with Jean Harlow. She was a beautiful broad. The fellow who married her was impotent and he killed himself. I would have done the same thing.

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. ANOTHER VERSION I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. ANOTHER VERSION I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.

I don't want to join the kind of a club that accepts people like me as members.

A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.

You're a great brother. You give us a heart attack worrying about your heart attack, which you didn't even have the decency to have!

The Alps are a simple folk, living on a diet of old shoes. And the Lord Alps those who alp themselves.

Jail is no place for a young fellow. There's no advancement.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come home." Groucho Marx was never one to pass up an opportunity for a play on words and this occurs in his dialogue of the 1933 film Duck Soup.

Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.

My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking.

Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself

I am a man and you are a woman. I can't think of a better arrangement.