Groucho Marx Quotes - Page 13

I started smoking as soon as I went on the stage. I'd make cigars out of the Morning World when I was a kid.

I hope they bury me near a strait man

Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.

Every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.

I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!

Mrs. Teasdale calls for rescue and Firefly delivers the famous line to his cohorts as they rescue her: "Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did."

You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.

Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.

If it gets any hotter in here I could use a big fan.

Hey you! I told you to slow that nag down! Because of you, I almost heard the opera!

And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!

That's nothing - my alarm clock is set for eight.

I know a member of one of New York's first families (first as you drive up Tenth Avenue)

I don't know. When I was born there was a nurse taking care of me." "What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself?" "Sure she could. I just found that out too late.

Don't be silly. I'll write you twice a week.

He thinks I look alike!

That's bad luck: three on a midget. From "At The Circus

The foods that are recommended today are as palatable as a steady diet of wet blotters.

I think that the Peeps or Peppies or Pipes diaries would be much more popular had there been a universal pronuncation of his name.