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George Carlin Quotes - Page 27

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Humor is based on surprise, and surprise is a milder way of saying shock. It's surprise that makes the joke.

Humor is based on surprise, and surprise is a milder way of saying shock. It's surprise that makes the joke.

Way, Surprise, Shock

Source: www.psychologytoday.com

The captain has just turned on the fasten-seat-belt-sign. He didn't mean to, but the joint he was smoking fell in his lap, and when he jumped up, his head hit the switch.

Funny, Humorous, Food

I think of shock as kind of an uptown form of surprise. Comedy is filled with surprise, so when I cross a line... I like to find out where the line might be and then cross it deliberately, and then make the audience happy about crossing the line with me.

Thinking, Crossing The Line, Uptown

Life is tough, then you die.

Tough, Life Is, Life Is Tough

If a lobster didn't look like a sci-fi monster, people would be less able to drop him alive into boiling water.

People, Water, Monsters

The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.

Funny, Christian, Sarcastic

Comedy is grievances. It's a recitation of grievances - whether they're inconsequential, superficial - like "my wife shops too much", or "kids today", all those old-fashioned themes - or, if it's deeper, and somewhat more thoughtful, about social imbalance and inequities, and the folly of human behavior. It's usually a complaint.

Kids, Thoughtful, Wife

Source: mavericksofthemind.com

In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.

Rome, Special, Coliseum

I love it in a movie when they throw a guy off a cliff. I love it even when it's not a movie. No, especially when it's not a movie.

Guy, Cliffs

George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.

Hard Work, Thinking, People

Source: mavericksofthemind.com

There was about a two-year period at the end of the '60s, when I realized I was in the wrong place and entertaining the wrong people with the wrong material and that I was not being true to myself. I went through a metamorphosis into something more authentic for me, a more authentic stage voice and writing voice.

Writing, Years, Two

Everybody in America is a part of this big herd of cattle being led to the marketplace, not to be sold, which is usual with cattle, but to do the buying. And everyone is branded. You see the brands - Nike, Puma, Coke - all over their bodies. Pretty soon you'll go to a family and say, "$100,000 if we can tattoo Pepsi on your child's forehead, and we'll have it removed when he's twenty-one. A hundred grand."

Tattoo, Nike, Children

Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.

Thinking, Bed, Coats

Cigarette companies market heavily to young people. They need young customers because their product kills the older ones. It is the only product that, if used as intended, kills the consumer.

Funny, Humorous, People

Matt 13:57. Then Jesus told them, 'A prophet is honored everywhere except in his own hometown and among his own family.' The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

Inspirational, Jesus, Nice

Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.

Numbers, Wonderful, Winos

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.

Inspirational, Self Esteem, Humorous

George Carlin (2001). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing

Thanksgiving, Sarcastic, Sarcasm

There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have.

Sex, Attitude, Ideas

"Carlin's response? More than 7 dirty words", www.today.com. March 13, 2004.

If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?

Baseball, Team, Stupid

George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?

Humorous, Climbing, Doe

George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

Grass [marijuana] probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer. When you're high, it's easy to kid yourself about how clever certain mediocre pieces of material are. But, on the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.

Hurt, Clever, Kids

Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.

Hurt, Grass, Performers

Source: reprints.longform.org

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

Love, Funny, Cute Relationship

I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.

Jesus, Men, Accepted

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