Groucho Marx Quotes - Page 5

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of bandages and adhesive tape.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.

Well I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech, and that reminds me of a story that's so dirty I'm ashamed to think of it myself.

With a little study you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now

I shall drink no #‎ wine before it's time! OK, it's time.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

It isn't so much that hard times are coming; the change observed is mostly soft times going.

I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling.

Oh, why can't we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean flee to my lodge in the hills.

Sir, are you trying to offer me a bribe? How much

I was born at a very early age. Before I had time to regret it, I was four and a half years old.

Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed.

You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way

Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.

How would you like to feel the way she looks?

I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can't see the stove

Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?

You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.

The Arab and the camel are inseparable. It's been said that and Arab would give up his wife rather than give up his camel. Personally, I haven't got a camel, but I think it's a great idea.

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.

I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing

I made a killing on Wall Street a few years ago...I shot my broker.