Funny Quotes - Page 101

I’m actually pale blue: it takes me a week of sunbathing to turn white.

If a man….who’s playing in front of the public, is being well paid, and he doesn’t dedicate himself to the job, I’d be hard on him. If I could I would put him in jail, out of the road of society. Because he’s a menace

If you're so pro-life, do me a favour: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you're so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.

The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.

She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.

I have insecurities of course, but I don't hang out with anyone who points them out to me.

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.

I don't mind my wife having to last word. In fact I'm delighted when she reaches it.

Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'.

Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.

A friend in need is a friend to be avoided.

The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.

Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement.

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

Songs are funny things. They can slip across borders. Proliferate in prisons. Penetrate hard shells. I always believed that the right song at the right moment could change history.

Never trust a man with short legs. His brains are too near his bottom.

If Spiderman was real, and I was a criminal, and he shot me with his web, I would say, "Dude, thanks for the hammock."

There's no better friend than a sister.

Life is short, and it is here to be lived.

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?