Funny Quotes - Page 62

There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do.

Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.

Girls do not dress for boys. They dress for themselves, of course, each other. If girls dressed for boys, they'd just walk around naked at all times.

A penny saved is a penny earned.

A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn't climb over it.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife.

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.

Men hunt I think maybe because they have something wrong with their own equipment and they need something else to shoot.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off forever.

Plain women are always jealous of their husbands. Beautiful women never are. They are always so occupied with being jealous of other women's husbands.

I love criticism just so long as it's unqualified praise.

It takes a lot of hard work and dedication just like any pro sport. Especially for beach volleyball you don't have to be tall or as fast as other sports. You just have to have the skills.

The most difficult character in comedy is that of the fool, and he must be no simpleton that plays that part.

Curve: The loveliest distance between two points.

Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.

It is soooooo necessary to get the basic skills, because by the time you graduate, undergraduate or graduate, that field would have totally changed from your first day of school.

Most of you are familiar with the virtues of a programmer. There are three, of course: laziness, impatience, and hubris.

Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.

I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't.