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George Carlin Quotes - Page 11

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Life is sacred? Who said so? God? Hey, if you read history, you realize that God is one of the leading causes of death.

Life is sacred? Who said so? God? Hey, if you read history, you realize that God is one of the leading causes of death.

Hey, Sacred, Causes

Valentine's Day is devoted to love. Why don't we have a day devoted to hatred? The raw, visceral hatred that is felt every hour of the day by ordinary people, but is repressed for reasons of social order. I think it would be very cathartic, and it would certainly make for an exciting six o'clock news.

Valentine, Thinking, Order

George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.

Religious, Ideas, Superstitions

"Counterculture Comedian George Carlin Dies at 71". www.foxnews.com. June 23, 2008.

Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?

Watches, Looks, Knows

You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos

Basketball, Talking, Games

Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.

Stupid, Thinking, People

George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!

Funny, Stupid, Humor

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.

Funny, Witty, Stupid

George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

Geologists claim that although the world is running out of oil, there is still a 200-hundred-year supply of brake fluid.

Funny, Running, Years

Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.

Names, Trying, Scratches

George Carlin (2009). “Last Words”, p.56, Simon and Schuster

They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!

Funny, Humor, Gun

Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.

Funny, Stupid, Humor

George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

Wonder, Impatient, Genuine

George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.

Yellow, Flags, Ribbons

"Napalm & Silly Putty".

I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.

Angel, Bullshit, Zombie

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

Death, Suicide, Humorous

George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

Funny, Future, Humor

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

Funny, Humor, Shapes

Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!

Thinking, Abortion, Catholic

That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.

Trying, Meaning Of Life, Stuff

"Keep 'Em Separated: Remembering George Carlin". Interview With Neal Conan, www.npr.org. June 23, 2008.

People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?

People, Giving, Choices

Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.

Law, Feelings, Cop

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

I'm never critical or judgmental about whether or not a movie is any good. The way I look at it, if several hundred people got together every day for a year or so - a number of then willing to put on heavy makeup, wear clothes that weren't their own and pretend to be people other than themselves - and their whole purpose for doing all this was to entertain me, then I'm not gonna start worrying about whether or not they did a good job. The effort alone was enough to make me happy.

Jobs, Makeup, Years

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