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Dave Barry Quotes about Funny - Page 5

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At the height of rush hour, people on the London underground actually say excuse me. Imagine what would happen if you tried an insane stunt like that on the New York City subway. The other passengers would take it as a

At the height of rush hour, people on the London underground actually say "excuse me." Imagine what would happen if you tried an insane stunt like that on the New York City subway. The other passengers would take it as a sign of weakness, and there'd be a fight over who got to keep your ears as a trophy.

Funny, New York, Humorous

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Talks Back”, p.104, Crown Archetype

There is nothing as relaxing as being out on the open sea, listening to the waves and the wind and the sails and voices downstairs yelling "HOW DO YOU FLUSH THESE TOILETS?"

Funny, Yelling, Wind

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Talks Back”, p.90, Crown Archetype

Be advised that there is no parking in Europe.

Funny, Travel, Europe

Twitter post from Jul 08, 2009

Motto of the U.S. airline industry - "We're Hoping to Have a Motto Announcement in About an Hour."

Funny, Humorous, Food

A critical function that we journalists perform at political conventions is to try to get into parties that we have not been invited to. There are dozens of these parties, sponsored by large corporations with a sincere public-spirited desire to become larger.

Funny, Party, Political

Dave Barry (2003). “Boogers Are My Beat: More Lies, but Some Actual Journalism”, p.26, Crown Archetype

Everybody in New York, including police horses, dresses fashionably, and whenever I'm there, even in my sharpest funeral-quality suit with no visible ketchup stains, I feel as though I'm wearing a Hefty trash bag. And it's last year's Hefty trash bag.

Funny, Horse, New York

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Talks Back”, p.143, Crown Archetype

The story of the eighties will be the story of the Reagan administration and the many men and women who served in it, some of whom are already out on parole.

Funny, Men, Stories

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Slept Here: A Sort of History of the United States”, p.166, Ballantine Books

Disney Resort and World and Compound, a place where your dreams really do come true, if you dream about having people wearing enormous cartoon-animal heads come around to your restaurant table and act whimsical and refuse to go away until you laugh with delight.

Funny, Dream, Humor

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Talks Back”, p.68, Crown Archetype

If Charles Lindbergh, flying with no instruments other than a bologna sandwich, managed to cross the Atlantic and land safely on a runway completely covered with French people, why are today's airplanes, which are equipped with radar and computers and individualized liquor bottles, unable to cope with fog?

Funny, Humorous, Food

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Greatest Hits”, p.234, Ballantine Books

England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.

Funny, Humorous, School

"Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need". Book by Dave Barry, 1991.

It was you readers who really came through, proving once again that when the American people decide to "get involved" in a problem, it is best not to let them have any sharp implements.

Funny, Humorous, America

Dave Barry (1994). “The World According to Dave Barry”, Outlet

I'm not saying that women don't think about sex also. I'm saying that women are capable, for at least brief periods of time, of not thinking about sex, and that most guys are not.

Funny, Sex, Humorous

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys”, p.42, Ballantine Books

All the shopping malls and restaurants and airports are riddled with low-fidelity loudspeakers, which apparently have developed the ability to reproduce by themselves; these are all connected to a special programming service called Music That Nobody Really Likes, and you cannot get away from it.

Funny, Music, Airports

I was reading this James Bond book, and right away I realized that, like most books, it had too many words.

Funny, Book, Reading

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *and* fresher breath.

Funny, Wisdom, Peace

San Francisco leads the world in the category of Most People On The Sidewalk Holding Conversations With Purely Imaginary Companions.

Funny, Travel, San Francisco

Twitter post from Jun 12, 2009

Basically Ken is a very gentle, home-loving person. I remember when one of his stick insects had a knee infection. He stayed up all night rubbing it with germoline and banging its head on the table.

Funny, Home, Animal

Of course God enjoys a good prank as much as the next infallible deity.

Funny, God, Humorous

Dave Barry (2009). “Dave Barry Is from Mars and Venus”, p.120, Ballantine Books

It is an inconvenience, being located in a city where taxes are ludicrously high, where you pay twice your annual income to rent an apartment that could easily be carried on a commercial airline flight.

Funny, New York, Humorous

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Greatest Hits”, p.64, Ballantine Books

The basic Roman ruin design is a pile of rocks with a little plaque saying "Roman Ruins" and a group of tourists frowning at it and wishing they were back at the hotel bar.

Funny, Humorous, Italian

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need”, p.108, Ballantine Books

This nation is so friendly that the leading cause of injury is getting passionately embraced by strangers.

Funny, Humorous, Italian

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need”, p.141, Ballantine Books

Tokyo is huge. Something like 15 million people live there, and my estimate is that at any given moment, 14.7 million of them are lost.

Funny, Humorous, Japan

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Does Japan”, p.60, Ballantine Books

Never trust anything you read in a travel article.

Funny, Travel, Never Trust

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Greatest Hits”, p.262, Ballantine Books

The Japanese tend to be far more co-operative and docile and group-oriented. It would be easier to get the entire population of Tokyo to wear matching outfits than to get any two randomly selected Americans to agree on pizza toppings.

Funny, Japan, Two

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Does Japan”, p.63, Ballantine Books

In foreign countries such as Italy, the government puts strict-looking speed limit signs everywhere, but nobody ever sees them because light does not travel fast enough to catch the Italian drivers.

Funny, Country, Humorous

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