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Dave Barry Quotes about Funny - Page 6

All Dave Barry Quotes Age Arguing Art Atheist Beer Boat Business Character Childhood Children Christmas Cleaning Coffee College Commitment Country Dad Darkness Doubt Drinking Driving Effort Fashion Feelings Fighting Flying Food Football Fun Funny quotes Giving God Golf Halloween Hate Hilarious Holiday Home House Humanity Inspirational Internet Journalism Justice Killing Kissing Literature Memories Mountain Music Office Pain Past Politics Pregnancy Purpose Rain Reading Religion Respect Responsibility Risk Running Sailing Sarcasm School Science Sleep Son Sports Students Stupidity Taxes Team Technology Today Training Travel Vacation Waiting War Water Weed Weight Loss Wife Winter Writing

You have to be careful on the deck, because of the hatches, which are holes placed around a sailboat at random to increase the insurance rates.

You have to be careful on the deck, because of the "hatches," which are holes placed around a sailboat at random to increase the insurance rates.

Funny, Sailing, Boat

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Talks Back”, p.93, Crown Archetype

It takes a minimum of six people, working in close harmony, to successfully flush a nautical toilet. That's why those old ships carried such large crews.

Funny, People, Sailing

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Talks Back”, p.90, Crown Archetype

We have been flooded with postal cards from all over the United States and several parallel universes. Just a quick glance though these cards is enough to remind you why this great nation, despite all the talk of decline, still leads the world in tranquilizer consumption.

Funny, Humorous, America

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Talks Back”, p.190, Crown Archetype

The beer sold here in the United States is sweet and watery and lacking in taste and overcarbonated and just generally the lamest, wimpiest beer in the entire known world. All the other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer, and we are drinking Barry Manilow.

Funny, Sweet, Humorous

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Greatest Hits”, p.18, Ballantine Books

If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life.

Funny, Jobs, Humorous

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need”, p.46, Ballantine Books

Canada, as you know, is a major important nation boasting a sophisticated, cosmopolitan culture that was tragically destroyed last week by beavers.

Funny, Humorous, Important

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Talks Back”, p.47, Crown Archetype

There are also a number of humans living up there (Canada), and in many ways they have a lifestyle quite similar to ours, including such traditional American activities as driving Japanese cars.

Funny, Humorous, Numbers

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need”, p.100, Ballantine Books

And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy businesspeople get ahead by using their MacIntosh computers to create the ultimate American business product: a really sharp-looking report.

Funny, Business, Humor

You should definitely have a travel agent. Why go through all the hassle of dealing with airlines, hotels, and rental-car agencies yourself, only to see the arrangements get all screwed up, when with just a single phone call you can have a trained professional screw them up for you?

Funny, Agency, Phones

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need”, p.21, Ballantine Books

This (America) is a land of rich diversity, from the towering skyscrapers of Manhatan all the way to the towering mounds of garbage piled up next to the towering skyscrapers of Manhattan.

Funny, Humorous, Land

Famous designers think nothing of putting their names on your clothing, but would have the servants set the dogs on you if you ever tried to put your name on their clothing.

Funny, Dog, Humorous

If for some reason you are unsure where to go, all you have to do is stand there looking lost, and within seconds a helpful New Yorker will approach to see if you have any "spare" change.

Funny, New York, Humorous

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Greatest Hits”, p.66, Ballantine Books

The population of earth has reached 7 billion people, every single one of whom send you irritating emails to join something called "LinkedIn."

Funny, Technology, People

One of the issues that we professional newspaper columnists are required by union regulations to voice grave concern about is the federal budget deficit, which we refer to as the "mounting" deficit, because every extra word helps when you have to produce a certain number of gravely concerned newsprint inches.

Funny, Voice, Numbers

Dave Barry (1989). “Dave Barry's Greatest Hits”, Ballantine Books

Within less than an hour, Chuck and I easily located what could well be the correct platform, where we pass the time by perspiring freely until the train storms in, colorfully decorated, as is the tradition in New York, with the spray-painted initials of all the people it has run over.

Funny, Running, New York

Dave Barry (1989). “Dave Barry's Greatest Hits”, Ballantine Books

Although it was constructed in 1536, the New York subway system boasts an annual maintenance budget of nearly $8, currently stolen, and it does a remarkable job of getting New Yorkers from Point A to an indeterminate location somewhere in the tunnel leading to point B.

Funny, Jobs, New York

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Greatest Hits”, p.66, Ballantine Books

The Japanese, implementing a complex, long-term, and ultimately successful strategy to dominate the U S consumer-electronics market, attacked Pearl Harbor.

Funny, Humorous, Successful

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Slept Here: A Sort of History of the United States”, p.119, Ballantine Books

We decide to start with the best-known sight of all, the one that, more than any other, exemplifies what the Big Apple is all about: the Islip Garbage Barge.

Funny, New York, Humorous

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Greatest Hits”, p.69, Ballantine Books

The Olympic movement simply cannot allow the Russians to become estranged, because Russia is a vital part of the world sports community, in the sense of having nuclear missiles.

Funny, Sports, Humorous

Dave Barry (2003). “Boogers Are My Beat: More Lies, but Some Actual Journalism”, p.57, Crown Archetype

Today's toys contain computer chips, so they can move and talk; this stimulates the mind of your child. Notice I say "your child." MY child just wants to eat the toys.

Funny, Baby, Children

Dave Barry (2003). “Boogers Are My Beat: More Lies, but Some Actual Journalism”, p.84, Crown Archetype

I'm afraid that, in this chapter we must talk about sex in a very explicit manner, because we want to expand the Frontiers of Human Understanding and also we want to sell as many books as possible to adolescent boys.

Funny, Sex, Humorous

Dave Barry (2001). “All the Dave Barry you could ever want: four classic books in one from America's foremost humorist”

The Spanish government, having run completely out of money, secretly sold the Pyrenees to China, and is now separated from France only by traffic cones.

Funny, Running, Travel

All these people helped make this book possible. But let me make one thing clear: If there are any errors or omissions in this book, these people are not responsible. In the end, there is only one person responsible for what I write, and that person, of course, is: Donald Trump.

Funny, Book, Reading

Dave Barry (2009). “Dave Barry Is from Mars and Venus”, p.10, Ballantine Books

This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes to get a beer.

Funny, Beer, Balls

"Boogers Are My Beat". Book by Dave Barry, September, 2003.

Japan has a low crime rate, unless you count the fact that approximately every fifteen minutes the entire Cabinet gets indicted for taking bribes.

Funny, Humorous, Japan

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